Dear Mom,

I realized today what great lessons you taught me about being a friend. I have aquired the best friends in the world. People who always care and would do anything for me (and I for them).
Thank you.

Kara has figured out a way to still give you hugs and kisses. She hugs herself and sends it up to you. Afterwards, you always send one down to her and she catches it. We both hug you all the time. Same with kisses we blow them up and wait for you to send them back.

Today I allowed myself to fantasize that you were still here, that you had never gotten sick and that you were able to do all the things that you wanted with the kids. You would pick them up randomly and take them everywhere with you. Just the way we always thought it would be. The way I wish it were now. But just having you back would be my dream.

Love Always,
Kristen

Dear Mom,
Did somemore shopping today,,I found it easier to take all three kids somewhere. We went to the mall and I got some new clothes, and Kara got a hair cut. It's cute a little bob, just below her shoulders. We did go into the hallmark store. I saw a barbie musketeer ornament to get for kara. Thomas the train for Jason, and I saw the pooh bear book ones that you always get me. it was the last one of the series. Weird, last one....I guess I will have to buy it myself, gotta complete the series. I started tearing up in the store, and had to leave.

We also went to Macys and the kids wrote letters to santa, and they went and visited him. Jason was scared, Kara was shy, wouldn't even talk to him. Sometimes she does that now. Kara with nothing to say....strange.

Time to go make hot chocolate and relax before bed.
I love you always,
Kristen

Dear Mom,

I made you proud again today. I got out to go shopping by 4:30 am. With a stop for coffee I was soon at wal-mart, where Jen got a lap-top and I got some great deals. Can't say what as Tim might read this.:) Then we hit Khols, Target, and the mall for Sears, Pennys and Old Navy. We saw Adam and Traci in the mall and Jes and Aunt Dixie. I had a good time. Of course as always I missed my favorite shopping buddy:(
Molly was so good, she slept the whole time (almost) except eating. More on this later....

Love Always,
Kristen

Dear Mom,
We just celebrated our first holiday without you. I am thankful for my family here, but I felt like something was missing all day long. Dad, Adam, Traci, and Greg all came to dinner. I was nervous, as I didn't have you to remind me how to make your stuffing or how to make the gravy. Both came out good. Although, I am going need to learn how to make mashed potatoes someday they never come out like yours. Dad made your chocolate pies and they were delicious, he did a good job. I think I will have another piece in a minute.

Molly and I are going to meet up with Jen and maybe Jes, (and maybe Adam and Traci) for some black Friday shopping. It won't be the same without you. I look forwad to being able to take Kara and Molly someday and carry on the tradition with them.

Happy Thanksgiving, I hope you had a feast today too!
Love Always,
Kristen

Kara made this card to send to you today. That's you on the left with Journey. Kara and I, are
on the right. And you and Kara are both holding butterflies. She misses you too.

Dear Mom,

Last night I dreamed that yo go to come back, that you could come be with us but we never knew when we would lose you again, but we knew it was soon. We went everywhere, and did everything, and just enjoyed seeing you, talking to you and spending time with you again. I guess that's my way of still seeing you, in dreamland.....

Love always,
Kristen

Dear Mom,

I miss you. I think that this is all a dream and you will be here when I wake up. But it's not, and you aren't here.

I guess I was right, Dad and Kara got crazy decorating the house for Christmas. You would love it I'm sure. Dad went and got more lights and hung them up outside. Definetly would make you proud. Dad also wrote the best letter from Santa to Kara, about you stopping by on your way to heaven, to have a chat with Santa about her. I can't even read it without crying, still.

Nighttime is the worst I want to call you and see what you did today, if you ate at perkos or Red Robin. Find out what you are doing tomorrow. Meet you at bagels, or go to Khols. But I can't all I can do is try to live in your legacy.

Love Always,
Kristen

Dear Mom,
Ahh, Friday night. I was wanting to go to the movies tonight, but all my friends were working. So I was going to be like you and just go by myself, then I had a friend call and we are going tomorrow night, yay. We are going to see couples retreat. Looks funny, laughing would do me good.

Dad took Kara to spend the night tonight. He has plans of getting out the fiber optic Christmas tree and decorating up the living room. And if I know dad (as of now) that place will be all Christmas'ed out. I am thinking that it will be overly decorated. But oh well.

I just read that Old Navy is opening at 3 am for black Friday. That's getting a little ridiculous. I remember dragging my self out of bed to make the 6 am sale at Mervyns. But 3 am? no way! I will miss you even more (is that possible?) that day. I am going shopping, but I guess it will be by myself. Kara's still to young to bring out into that kind of crowd, but before long I will bring her to get the steal of deals!

Aunt Laurie came by and brought us a turkey for thanksgiving and the coolest little light up tree with poker chips and cards on it. So we now have a mini Christmas tree going on now.

Oh the things I think of all day long that I want to tell you, not 10 minutes goes by that I don't wish to talk to you.
Love Always
-Kristen

Dear Mom,
I gave Grandma our birthday gift today. I know she thought it was really special to have something from you that and I got for her. She got teary when we gave it to her:). Speaking of, last night Dad had me get some of your clothes out of your closet, almost all of them, I could remember being with you when you were buying them. I know each time I wear them it will be like hugging you. In the back of your closet was a cute sweatshirt that I remember you buying at Mervyns last year. You hadn't even taken the tag off. I am calling it my Christmas gift from you. So thank you.

Jason got his big boy bed yesterday and he, loves it. Although now Kara is so jealous of it that she wants a 'new' bed too. We moved the crib into Molly's room. We sure are getting our use out of it. Thank you for saving it for us.

I was just making my list for Thanksgiving, I hope all that you taught me comes back and I can make you proud of my dinner. Dad is getting your chocolate pie recipie out so that we can have those! Remember when we went shopping for thanksgiving when I was pregnant with Kara? And we were in the parking lot of WINCO and that person yelled at us for talking in the parking lot. What I wouldn't give to be chatting in the parking lot with you:(.
Love Always,
Kristen

Dear Mom,
It's been a week and I still can't believe you are gone. The time has gone by so fast this week, and every time I turn around I see you, hear you and can feel you. I wish I could go back to last week and talk to you one more time, and hear you call me "sweetie". Give you one more hug, and just one last trip to bagels or the mall. I am so thankful that you no longer have to suffer through countless doctors appointments and treatments. When you told me last month that you were so tired of it all, I had no clue that it would end this way.

Yesterday I was at the mall watching the kids play in the play area, there was a woman there with her Granddaughter. It hurt to think that you won't be able to go with us there anymore. I am sure she thought I was weird when I started crying, watching them.

I think of you every time I burp Molly. I remember you teaching me when to realize that she needs to burp, (when Kara was a baby). I can hear your stories and love, each and every time I close my eyes. I Love You! (and like you too:)
-Kristen