Dear Mom,
New years eve. Going to begin a new year with you gone. For some reasons I am glad to say goodbye to 2009. 2010, it's hard to believe that its 2010. Crazy.
Tim's dad is going to watch the kids tonight, so Tim and I can go out and have dinner tonight. It is the first one I have had off in sooooo long. It will be fun. Although we will be home well before Midnight.

Cleaned out Kara and Jason's rooms today, they have so many new toys, that we had to make room for them. I just can't bear to get rid of anything they got from you. I saw Melvin and gave him a hug. Kara knows that you got her that frog when she was born.

Love for now,
Kristen

Merry Christmas Mom,

Our first without you. It was perfect only missing one thing, you. Its hard for me to think of spending the rest of the Christmases with out you. I just wanted to turn around and see you.

Last night Christmas eve party Kara, Jason and Molly were three of the five kids there. Not too many, we were saying that others need to get on the ban wagon and help out. Adam and Traci, Holly and Matt, Jen and Adam, Tony and ?. :) Tony, Holly and Jen said that I should have 2more kids to buy them more time. I said haven't I done my share?

Uncle Dave was Santa again. Kara came around the courner right into him. He said "excuse me Kara". Man you should have seen her eyes! And she got her present and sat on down.

Molly was the hit of the party and got passed around to everyone. Jason just ran and ran and ran.

This morning we woke up and Santa had been here. Kara got her pillow pet, she asked for. Jason got his choo choo trains he asked for. And Molly got her bumbo. ITs so cute, how did I not get one for the other kids? She likes it.

Dad went insane crazy, Jason didn't even get through his bag of toys. He just wants to play with it all! So we got activities for weeks, I hope.

I got Dad and Grandma calenders with pictures and dates on them. They were pretty cool. I am going to order another one for me. And Granny. Grandma cried when she opened it. So many pictures so many memories.

Tim got me the most special present. A locket with your picture in it. You were with me last night and all of today. I could feel the love for you.

Love Always,
Kristen

Dear Mom,

It's hard not having you here. Noone to call right now when I am bored on Saturday night that I have off. Yesterday and today have been really hard. I am coming to the realization that we are about to have Christmas with out you here. And it sucks. I am almost done shopping though. Molly poor girl I haven't gotten her very much, some binkies, a toy and a couple onesies and a sleeper. But that's it. But she won't even notice (I hope). Jason and Kara are going to be spoiled like normal. Jason got the thomas the train set, and Kara is getting a pillow pet. Now let me tell you, this year the pillow pets are "the" gift. And she wanted the unicorn one. Well this Santa wasn't about to pay 3 times the price for one. So she is getting a turtle one. But I got her to ask Santa for the turtle on instead. Speaking of santa, yesterday we got the kids picture taken with santa. When I took Jason off Santa's lap I accidently pulled off his beard oops.

Sounds like dad has gone overboard with Christmas for the kids. Just keeping up with your tradition I guess. He misses you. We all wish you were here right now. I can't wait to see you again, I love you.....(Gotta go Molly just started crying)....

Love Always,
Kristen

Dear Mom,

We decorated our tree tonight. So many ornaments. 90% were gifts from you. You are all over our house right now. I love it!

Love Always,
Kristen

P.S. you should see this halmark commercial they have now. The daughter is decorating her tree with her husband and daughter. And he says your mom dropped off these ornaments from when you were little. Then there is one in there for the Granddaughter. It makes me cry.

P.P.S. Dad got Molly the Winnie the Pooh 1st Christmas one.:)

Dear Mom,

Yesterday was a month. Seams like yesterday you were here. I fear as time goes on that it will be harder to feel your presence. I miss talking to you at night on the phone. Wish I could call you right now.

Kara had her school performance tonight. They sang songs, and had a play. Kara was a fox and got to say into the microphone "burr It's cold, can we get into your warm mitten" So cute! She did so good!

Molly is getting so close to smiling, she looks at me and I keep waiting for the smile, I can see her moving her lips trying to figure it out, any day it will be a full fledged smile. Her clothes are starting to fit more. Her newborn stuff is getting smaller, and her 3months are beginning to not look so big. Just another showing of time going by. Oh yeah and she slept 9 hours straight last night! YAY Molly!

Jason is still Jason, and he's still two. He is beginning to talk more, and put together sentences. Where did my quiet boy go? He is also very much a Momma's boy now. Wants to sit on my lap, hold my hand and give me kisses. And he loves Molly!.

Kara and Jason are starting to fight over toys and other things. I now know how we used to drive you crazy!

I am getting my Christmas shopping done, its hard to do, without my favorite buddy. But I did get some great deals at Khols today! And I had to make a list this year, because you weren't there to remember what I liked:(. We need to get our tree up because I think that it will help my Christmas spirit. Dad is going to watch the kids on Sunday so that I can go shopping in Sacramento with Jen & Aunt Dixie. We are going to meet up with Jessica. I am really looking forward to it.

I think it's my bed time, I hope Molly has a good night of sleep again.

Love Always,
Kristen

Dear Mom,

It's cold here! They say it might snow, hopefully! Last night we took the kids to the Christmas parade. It was cold so we didnt stay to long and Grandma kept Molly so she didn't have to go out in the cold. But the kids loved it and so did I, it reminds me of being a kid and watching it. Funny as a kid it never seamed so cold. Just as summers never seamed as hot. But I'm sure it was.

Tonight Molly (who slept the whole time) and I did some Christmas shopping, didn't get much but it was nice to get out and away for awhile. Now I am watching the finale of the Amazing race. I hope that the couple with the beauty queen, wins. They are my fav,of the ones left.

Things just aren't the same without you.

Love Always,
Kristen

Dear Mom,

Well today we took you to the snow. We went to Bill and Kathy's and went up where we used to get our Christmas trees and dad brought a tree and we planted it with your ashes. Dad found a great spot. It looks out over the entire mountain. We put you in the base of the tree and Kara added some snow. We decorated it with some of our Christmas beads. and Dad brought a necklace with pictures and pins with your initials. He also brought a witmans tin, (one that you had more than one of) and filled it with some of your treasures, your handprint, and pictures. He also brought a solar light so you will have light at night. It felt like the right place to leave you. Although it was the hardest thing I have ever done was walking away. I didn't want to leave. It's nice to rememeber that we can come back and visit. But, it made it more real. And I didn't like that. But I guess thats the way it is.:(

We brought chili, but we didnt cook it in the fire, just because it was getting late and the kids (and adults) were getting cold. We went back to Kathy and Bill's and poured it all into one pot and cooked it up. Yum! Just one thing missing, no not Kath and Bill fighting, cause we had that (although I think it was more for show:)) It was you that was missing. But that is the case now, with everything, missing you.

Love Always,
Kristen